11/18/08

So I've been putting this off cause I have to much to say. I'm going to try to make it short.

I skipped school and waited in line all day in the freeeezing cold. I went with Chelsea, and met up with Katelyn. The line was hilarious and I didn't mind being cold because it was so much fun.
Katey finally got there around 6 and we finalllly met :) :) Even though she couldn't wait with us in line, she still made her way up and we were right next to each other for the entire concert. By the time Jack's came on, I finally made it up to barricade and was soo happy. The show was fucking amazing. Hey Hey Hey We're All Gonna Die. For the first time ever live. And I was there. :)

So we waited in the parking garage for a bit cause it was warrrm, then we went back to the venue to talk to Andrew. I wanted to tell him so many things, but I settled on one that I think covered everything. He signed my TGP and I got a picture with him. It was such a great night. I'm pretty sure there's only one other person who really understands how much that night means to me. She totally gets it. I can't believe how lucky I am.

TOMORROW.

Jack's Mannequin. <3
I haven't written here much, but I will be for sure after the concert.
I'm so excited and can't believe what is going on in my life. It's incredible.

is it bad

that is is exactly how I'm feeling right now?

You're chatting to me, like we connect
But I don't even know if we're still friends
It's so confusing,
Understanding you is making me not want to do.
And think things like: 'I know I should do'

Pumpkin Soup by Kate Nash.

I wish I could tell you how I feeeeeeeel.

ONE WEEK

from today, I will be in Philly. Waiting in line to see Jack's Mannequin for the 7th time. I am soo excited. I also get to meet Katey, for the first time :) It's gonna be a good day.

I come undone

oh yes, I do.

I'm Ready defines my life. I've never connected with a song as much as I have this one. Every single line fits somewhere.

Anyway, I'm going to get my haircut in 45 minutes. Shit. I'm so nervous. It'll be for the best, I want change.

This makes me really happy :)

10days!

I waited by the window.

I don't understand why so many people dislike Miss Delaney.
I'm positive that if I only had to listen to music by Andrew McMahon for the rest of my life, I'd be perfectly fine. I swear, Everything In Transit goes by too fast. I'm obsessed with Sleazy Wednesday. I can and have listened to that song for hours and hours on end.

Welcome to the future, we're all so glad you came.

Attacked me in the laneway

in this town you don't get nowhere

unless you're on a bicycle.

So hip and out of touch

Parked out on a speedway

Just trying not to move

It's only getting harder now

We could engineer a wall that couldn't fall with all this time

My life in technicolor

Can you check the shutters?

Someone get my mother on the phone

She oughta know what I'm up to

Out here in Hollywood you don't need a sweater

Cause the sun feels better

In slow motion

let's take a ride and forget this town tonight

Something crazy happened last night. I didn't have school yesterday and I don't have it today, so I was planning on doing some homework today. Well last night I spent 3 hours doing homework and studying for my chemistry test. I usually neverrrr do homework. If I do, it's in homeroom the day it's due. And I never study. My grades, I guess you could say I get by. Mostly B's. I'm fine with it but my parents are not. I hope after last night something will change and I start caring about school. Cause right now I feel like most of what I'm learning is a waste and will not help me in the future. The future, I need to figure out what I want to do after high school. Right now, I really don't know, I'm not good at anything that I can make a career out of. I also need a job. Something I was supposed to look for yesterday. Oh well.
Today I can focus on writing my letter to Andrew to send to Lysh. 13DAYS. Ahhh the wait went by toooo fast. While I'm soooo happy to go, I don't want it to be over.

there you go for the last time

I finally know now what I should have known then and I could still be ruthless if you let me.

I'm really starting to feel like I'm being used. And I don't feel safe anymore. I feel that I can't say what I really want to because you'll come on here and read it. You can read whatever you want on jm.org, but I don't want you to find this cause here I go:
Everytime we're at my house you want to go for a walk and sit in front of his house. I don't get it. Just fucking talk to him. Ask him to hangout. Do it at your house. Why does it have to be here. This should be our time, but instead all you can focus on is him. If he really likes you like he does, he'd hangout with you. Just ask him. Stop making me be the middle person and revolving our plans around how we can get to him. It's pissing me off and I think eventually it could ruin our friendship. And that's something I don't want to lose. I'm here to help you and talk about him, but not 24/7. I want you to show consideration for my problems when I have them. I want you to make effort in fixing them with me. I think I've done a lot for you, but right now I can't stand it. I don't want to go for a walk every single time and just sit there. I feel stupid and I feel like he's an asshole.
Also, one more thing. Stop telling me everything I say or do is stupid.


forget me.

I am on your side.

Sometimes I go back and read my old myspace messages. I'm usually trying to find something, but I always end up re-reading my messages from the past month or so. But I was reading a message from my friend and this really stuck out to me:
"things will always turn around for the better. like, I've found that out for myself. I've been in so so many lows, but here I am now, living pretty well. and life will never stop making switchbacks back and forth, so all we can do is just hold on, I guess."
hahah thanks for the words of wisdom David :)

There's only a select few who really understand what's important to me. A text I recieved today made me think about this. I'm sure a lot of the stuff I care about seems dumb and pointless to others, but it's what matters to me. And I don't want to change for anyone else.



Hey there best friend. Why do I keep posting these old pictures of me with braces? Oh right, it makes me happy :)

close your eyes, and I will be swimming

lullaby's fill your room, and I will be singing
singing to only you
dont forget I'll hold your head,
watch the night sky fading red
but as you sleep
and no one is listening
I will lift you off your feet,
I'll keep you from sinking
don't you wake up yet,
cause soon I'll be leaving you
soon I'll be leaving you,
but you won't be leaving me

I need all my hair cut off.
I want long hair.
I need a job.
I want money.
I need November 18th.
I want November to go by slow.
I need you to care.
I want to talk to you.
I need to go places.
I want to drive.
I need something to believe in.
I want something to trust.

Pictures from the parade:

out here in Hollywood you don't need a sweater.

Today was crazy. I loved it.
Well to start, since the Phillies won the World Series on Wednesday, the parade in Philly was today. I, along with basically the rest of my school, skipped and went down to the parade.
It's funny, cause I was thinking earlier about how just a few years ago I wasn't allowed to go trick or treating without a parent, and now I'm taking a train by myself (well with other people my age) to Philly and back. Apparently a lot has changed since then.
Anyway, we got to the train station at 7:15 AM to get the 7:45 AM train into the city. Good plan, getting there early since the parade starts at noon, right. Nope. It was crazy packed. We got our tickets and ended up waiting about 2 and 1/2 hours to actually get onto a train. Plus, it was freezing cold. But whatever. So when we finally got on the 'extra train' that they started running, it was so full that we had to stand the whole way. When we finally got to the city, we I mean my 2 cousins, and basically the whole senior class of the catholic high school in the area, we went to get something to eat. Mmm pizza at 11 AM.
After that we went to find a spot to watch the parade. I loved being in the city. There were so many people. I love just watching people interact with one another and the city is a good place to do it. But yes, we found our way to Broad Street and wanted a good enough view. There were so many people and it was so hard to get through them all. When we finally got a decent spot, it turns out there were only four of us together. I was with Ali, so everything was fine for me. But everyone else had gotten seperated. The cell phone reception was terrible and we couldn't send or recieve texts, or make calls. So we waited for the parade to come by and figured we'd meet up with everyone when people started clearing out.
Well it turns out the that we were on the right side of the newsstand while everyone else was on the left. So once the parade was over they went to City hall, and the four of us went in the other direction. Haha long story short, we eventually got the cell phones to work and met up at City Hall.
So it was about 2 PM and we wanted to go home. First, we got ice cream, then went to the train station to get back home. Well, there was a huge crowd waiting to get to the downstairs area where we board the trains. We waited there for about an hour, probably more, then finalllly went downstairs to find out the train was full. After standing or walking since 7 AM, I just wanted to sit down. So we sat on the ground and waited for the next train.
When one finally arrived, it was already full and we expected to be standing the whole way home. Well, one group of people went in the one side, and my cousins and I went in the other part of the train on the other side. Turns out there wasn't room for everyone, so the whole group we were with had to get off, and the three of us were stuck. So we figured we'd be fine until we heard someone say it was an express train and only making one stop, of course not the stop we wanted. But it all was fine, and we ended up getting off at our stop after all.
So after that incredibly long day, I got home, got a shower and went to my cousins, where I am now. She's asleep on her bed, which I want to do so badly, but for some reason couldn't fall asleep. This day was so long, but so much fun.

I do just fine; my car and my guitar.

things I miss:


Hoodwink, Andrew McMahon

pictures with cousins

barricade at AP tour

ohhh the Lancaster show... <3

sister being little

fall '07 with Alex. 'meet me on thames street'

everyday with son.

this.

9th gradeeee

TOURZILLA<333 I miss it sooo bad.

Disneyy

north carolinaaa

WESTCOASTWINTERTOUR<3 ohhhloveit.

winter photo shootsss.

you don't wanna be here in the future

so you say the presents just a pleasant, interruption to the past.





Music makes me think.
The past month I've been so fed up with my friend situations, more than I ever have before. I'm so used to friends coming and going. And I'm used to getting in fights and ending things with people. The only person I have ever survived fights with is my best friend. And I'm glad we fight, it makes us so much stronger. After not talking for 2 weeks, the second we made up, things were 100 times better. She's the one I go to with everything and she's always there for me.
On the other hand, every other friendship seems a mess. I'm probably making things up in my head, seeing something that isn't really there, but it's how I feel. Sometimes I feel that everything I say or do is wrong. I hate feeling like that.
I want other people there who will talk to me and not revolve the conversation around them and their problems for once. I feel that I help so many people, and I like helping them, it makes me feel good. I just want someone there for me once in a while.
I'm pretty sure all of that was directed at one person. I want her to care and talk to me. Sure she's said she's there, but show it. Show me you really care and wanna help me.

"reasons like seasons, they constantly change"

This line is my life today. Just yesterday I was sitting on the bus, looking out the window at the leaves. I love looking at the leaves and appreciating how much I love the fall. It's my favorite season of the year, and once it comes, it goes fast. But this year, it seems to have moved faster. It started snowing today. I love the snow and the winter, but I love them when it's time. I was just getting used to how much I love everything yesterday, then all of the sudden it's snowing. I love all the seasons actually, for their own reasons, but I seem to love fall the most.

Things to look forward to:

11/18- Jack's Mannequin<3

11/29- Cobra/FTSK/HIT/SIL :D

12/24- Birthdayyy.

1/17- License!

I made this playlist a few days ago, and I reallly like it.

1. Jersey- Mayday Parade
2. Livin' Th' Dream- You, Me, and Everyone We Know
3. 3000 Miles- Valencia
4. Steel City- My Favorite Highway
5. Cry Your Eyes Out- Hit The Lights
6. Time To Pretend- MGMT
7. The Church Channel- Say Anything
8. Somebody's Gonna Miss Us- The Starting Line
9. Away We Go- Valencia
10. Stay Pretty- Farewell
11. Teasing To Please- Cute Is What We Aim For
12. Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't- Brand New
13. Catastrophe- Four Year Strong
14. Woe- Say Anything
15. Dance Halls Turn To Ghost Towns- The Audition
16. Admit It!!!- Say Anything
17. Do The Panic- Phantom Planet
18. Where Did You Go?- Valencia
19. I'd Be More Interested If You Were Already Spoken For...- You, Me, and Everyone We Know
20. Head In Hands- Valencia
21. Single Millionaires- Brighten
22. Acoustic- Hit The Lights
23. Young At Heart- William Tell
24. Knights Of The Island Counter- Dave Melillo
25. The Doctors Daughter- Parade The Day
26. I Don't Know About You, But I Came To Dance- Forever The Sickest Kids
27. Black Cat- Mayday Parade
28. Do It Again (You're Not Making Me Want To Touch You)- You, Me, and Everyone We Know
29. An Orgy Of Critics- Say Anything
30. Tenth Street- Valencia31. Konstantine (11:11 version)- Something Corporate
32. Rough Landing Holly- Yellowcard
33. Kids- MGMT
34. Stay Out- Hit The Lights
35. Hell To Sell- The Audition
36. Simple Life- My Favorite Highway
37. The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows- Brand New
38. From Here To California- Go Crash Audio
39. North By Northwest- Robot Love Story
40. You're So Last Summer- Taking Back Sunday
41. Everything- A Cursive Memory
42. I Got Your Money- Say Anything

it started feeling like October

I have to get used to this blog thing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7_MCIwMciU