11/18/08

So I've been putting this off cause I have to much to say. I'm going to try to make it short.

I skipped school and waited in line all day in the freeeezing cold. I went with Chelsea, and met up with Katelyn. The line was hilarious and I didn't mind being cold because it was so much fun.
Katey finally got there around 6 and we finalllly met :) :) Even though she couldn't wait with us in line, she still made her way up and we were right next to each other for the entire concert. By the time Jack's came on, I finally made it up to barricade and was soo happy. The show was fucking amazing. Hey Hey Hey We're All Gonna Die. For the first time ever live. And I was there. :)

So we waited in the parking garage for a bit cause it was warrrm, then we went back to the venue to talk to Andrew. I wanted to tell him so many things, but I settled on one that I think covered everything. He signed my TGP and I got a picture with him. It was such a great night. I'm pretty sure there's only one other person who really understands how much that night means to me. She totally gets it. I can't believe how lucky I am.

TOMORROW.

Jack's Mannequin. <3
I haven't written here much, but I will be for sure after the concert.
I'm so excited and can't believe what is going on in my life. It's incredible.

is it bad

that is is exactly how I'm feeling right now?

You're chatting to me, like we connect
But I don't even know if we're still friends
It's so confusing,
Understanding you is making me not want to do.
And think things like: 'I know I should do'

Pumpkin Soup by Kate Nash.

I wish I could tell you how I feeeeeeeel.

ONE WEEK

from today, I will be in Philly. Waiting in line to see Jack's Mannequin for the 7th time. I am soo excited. I also get to meet Katey, for the first time :) It's gonna be a good day.

I come undone

oh yes, I do.

I'm Ready defines my life. I've never connected with a song as much as I have this one. Every single line fits somewhere.

Anyway, I'm going to get my haircut in 45 minutes. Shit. I'm so nervous. It'll be for the best, I want change.

This makes me really happy :)

10days!

I waited by the window.

I don't understand why so many people dislike Miss Delaney.
I'm positive that if I only had to listen to music by Andrew McMahon for the rest of my life, I'd be perfectly fine. I swear, Everything In Transit goes by too fast. I'm obsessed with Sleazy Wednesday. I can and have listened to that song for hours and hours on end.

Welcome to the future, we're all so glad you came.

Attacked me in the laneway

in this town you don't get nowhere

unless you're on a bicycle.

So hip and out of touch

Parked out on a speedway

Just trying not to move

It's only getting harder now

We could engineer a wall that couldn't fall with all this time

My life in technicolor

Can you check the shutters?

Someone get my mother on the phone

She oughta know what I'm up to

Out here in Hollywood you don't need a sweater

Cause the sun feels better

In slow motion

let's take a ride and forget this town tonight

Something crazy happened last night. I didn't have school yesterday and I don't have it today, so I was planning on doing some homework today. Well last night I spent 3 hours doing homework and studying for my chemistry test. I usually neverrrr do homework. If I do, it's in homeroom the day it's due. And I never study. My grades, I guess you could say I get by. Mostly B's. I'm fine with it but my parents are not. I hope after last night something will change and I start caring about school. Cause right now I feel like most of what I'm learning is a waste and will not help me in the future. The future, I need to figure out what I want to do after high school. Right now, I really don't know, I'm not good at anything that I can make a career out of. I also need a job. Something I was supposed to look for yesterday. Oh well.
Today I can focus on writing my letter to Andrew to send to Lysh. 13DAYS. Ahhh the wait went by toooo fast. While I'm soooo happy to go, I don't want it to be over.

there you go for the last time

I finally know now what I should have known then and I could still be ruthless if you let me.

I'm really starting to feel like I'm being used. And I don't feel safe anymore. I feel that I can't say what I really want to because you'll come on here and read it. You can read whatever you want on jm.org, but I don't want you to find this cause here I go:
Everytime we're at my house you want to go for a walk and sit in front of his house. I don't get it. Just fucking talk to him. Ask him to hangout. Do it at your house. Why does it have to be here. This should be our time, but instead all you can focus on is him. If he really likes you like he does, he'd hangout with you. Just ask him. Stop making me be the middle person and revolving our plans around how we can get to him. It's pissing me off and I think eventually it could ruin our friendship. And that's something I don't want to lose. I'm here to help you and talk about him, but not 24/7. I want you to show consideration for my problems when I have them. I want you to make effort in fixing them with me. I think I've done a lot for you, but right now I can't stand it. I don't want to go for a walk every single time and just sit there. I feel stupid and I feel like he's an asshole.
Also, one more thing. Stop telling me everything I say or do is stupid.


forget me.

I am on your side.

Sometimes I go back and read my old myspace messages. I'm usually trying to find something, but I always end up re-reading my messages from the past month or so. But I was reading a message from my friend and this really stuck out to me:
"things will always turn around for the better. like, I've found that out for myself. I've been in so so many lows, but here I am now, living pretty well. and life will never stop making switchbacks back and forth, so all we can do is just hold on, I guess."
hahah thanks for the words of wisdom David :)

There's only a select few who really understand what's important to me. A text I recieved today made me think about this. I'm sure a lot of the stuff I care about seems dumb and pointless to others, but it's what matters to me. And I don't want to change for anyone else.



Hey there best friend. Why do I keep posting these old pictures of me with braces? Oh right, it makes me happy :)

close your eyes, and I will be swimming

lullaby's fill your room, and I will be singing
singing to only you
dont forget I'll hold your head,
watch the night sky fading red
but as you sleep
and no one is listening
I will lift you off your feet,
I'll keep you from sinking
don't you wake up yet,
cause soon I'll be leaving you
soon I'll be leaving you,
but you won't be leaving me

I need all my hair cut off.
I want long hair.
I need a job.
I want money.
I need November 18th.
I want November to go by slow.
I need you to care.
I want to talk to you.
I need to go places.
I want to drive.
I need something to believe in.
I want something to trust.

Pictures from the parade: